第五十章良夜谁拭因缘镜(上)(2 / 2)

蚀月编史 露山 1049 字 2022-04-21

她放下了鱼玄机给她的那只饼囊,走去看上官武手上所书。

他没有再次抬头去看她,只是埋着头说道,我替你向唐阁主讨要蚀月步摇。等你簪上步摇,按照这个教派不成文的规矩,无需秦教主在场授意,你也自然即位。

他说完这话,似乎又想到什么沉重的问题,停了笔,轻轻地揉了揉眼。

莺奴,我知道我已对你做了承诺,但也总是左思右想,我毕竟不能时时都陪着你。比如说,我可想见等你做了教主,唐阁主不日就将辞职——她早已对我说过,等你继位后,她必定要替薇主求得秦棠姬的下落。我也私下对她承诺,等她离职,我将回到北方阁去,算是回了原位。北方阁的旧人们也惦记着我,长安本是我的故土,两相难舍,我本应回去。

再者唐阁主已上了年岁,薇主也上了年岁,哪怕你即位后她们再寻不到秦教主的踪迹,我也须得保留唐阁主与薇主相会的自由,如今这样南北分隔,对她们来说太过煎熬了。

但我去了北方,霜棠阁将无人看管,尽管我有意扶持一些有才之士,到底困难。我更想将之托付给你,你慈爱聪慧,我十分放心;……

他显然还有什么想说的,但话一时卡住了。

莺奴便接过他的话说道,是阁主远虑。

他有更为焦虑幽微的心思,只是竟不知道怎么说出口。就比如说,比起以上那些考虑,他最紧迫的迟疑,乃是必须要与莺奴分离的恐惧。再比如说,他怀疑自己所忧之事恐怕要留给莺奴,最终成了她的所忧之事——或许这两种恐惧本是同一种,他说不清。一股未明的、末路将至的伤感,已降临到他的头上,降临在这二十七岁的壮年,这伤感如此不祥,所以他无法说出口。

因此,方才与其说是让莺奴预备着送他回到长安去,还不如说是劝说莺奴早日准备着再也见不到他的日子到来。

莺奴也沉默了片刻,随后在上官武身边坐下来,斟酌着开口了。

“阁主,我并不知接下来所说的话是否能实在地安慰你。我在船上所说的那番话,并不是为了令你烦忧,而是想要解除你心头的矛盾;你不必对我隐瞒什么,因我能从阁主的笑与忧中看出你有悬而未决的困苦。若你不倾吐出来,郁结便会反过去毒害阁主的健康,而我最不愿见你伤心。

“我已云游一年。这一年来,所见所闻莫不奇妙,虽然有许多危难,但最后有阁主救回了我。我在外时,逐渐见识了这世界万千瑰丽、世故人情妩媚之处,见过万民斗、冲天火,也见过孽欲海、渡人船,良驹飞于天,巨虺游于水,为常理所不能容,为俗人所不能见,而我见过了。至善至幻,至高至暗,心想所指之处,或许昼夜为之轮巡,太极为之收放,宇宙为之倒转。假如心之所愿,飞天遁地不过是转瞬而已;心之所爱,陌路仇敌也化为玉帛,这世上竟无什么我不能的,遑论阁主所忧的一点困难。如何不可思议的胜景都在眼前,如何摧枯拉朽的洪水都在身后,一切我都办得到,只是须得你在罢了。”

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