第59章 母女相聚(2 / 2)

足足六年收到你的信,我连打开也没打开过。她们穿着新衣服新裤子,我知道这些都你的钱,可我不在意,我只想快点学些东西,快点长大,快点离开周家。等过了两年,看书看多了,也接触到社会,懂得多了,就会推算年月,我出生四零年,那会是黎明前的黑暗,留我在老家还情有可原,可等我十岁,就是刚好解放,那会你拒绝我回去是不是放弃了我,还是有难言之隐?可如果是我,我会想尽一切办法见自己的孩子,哪怕天下着刀子。可我得不到结果。

恨吗?不恨,我这人不喜欢去埋怨、去恨别人,那会让自己太累。我告诉自己,一个人也挺好的,不用替人伤心,不用替人担心,等成人了就可以自己想怎么活就怎么活了,没人在意我,我自己爱自己,没人关心我,我自己珍重自己。这么过了几年,结婚了,嫁人了,你也没出现,我也没什么期待,我就想自己好好活着,好好过着。

等在产房听到小五哥的声音,我想到我爸,想到了你,我想你当时怀着怎样的心情生下我的?你在经历了生子之痛后为什么就不牵挂自己唯一的女儿,哪怕见一面,看一眼,也比寄东西过来的好。

想到每年每月寄过来的钱,听说你也没再嫁就我一个孩子。可为什么就是不来看看我?哪怕见过一次面,甚至我姥林家也是没见人影,那我爸总有一两个好友的吧,我也是没见过。这些平时没注意,可细细琢磨很不正常。后来我打开了保存着好好的信件,那六七年来没拆开的三十来封的信,也许十岁那年很多事情看不懂,可如今我看出了你一直在寻找我爸,看着每个不同的寄信地址,再看看日期,我想我就是去了你身边都没办法跟着你四处漂泊的,心里好受了些。对于我来说,就算你从来不把我放心上,可你爱我爸,那就够了。要是你真再嫁了,那不管天大的理由,背叛就是背叛。你能守着我爸,我心里好受多了。

前儿小五去向爷爷奶奶报喜,发现很多不对劲,强制要回了林家几个人的地址,打算回寄些特产过去当谢礼,顺便也和他们说说以后别寄东西了。期间发生了一些不愉快的事,拿回来林家几个空信封。他回来一说,我们在分析琢磨,就明白以前爷爷他们等人一直告诉我你抛弃我多多少少有些隐情。知道一些真相后,这两天我心里一直觉得有股气,今天也发出来,也不生气了。

你别哭,我真没恨过你,你不止生了我,我还靠着你每月寄过来的钱活了下来,你没来找我,不是一直在找我爸吗?所以你别难过,我真不怪你,我能理解我爸对于你来说太重要了,找到他成了你唯一的执念。”

林丽珊没等她说完就紧紧地抱住她,无声哭泣着,摸摸女儿的发顶。一时之间也不知道该怎么述说自己的心疼。

泪水落到周娇的脖颈上,烫的周娇心里一紧一紧的,揪得她心里发疼,她内心深处还是期盼母爱的吧,要不然她的悲伤和窃喜从哪里来的呢。不管是她,还是原来的周娇,应该都会选择原谅,她希望她爸回来还有个家在等着他,她相信自己的直觉,她妈心里也是有她的。

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