第1803章 危机开端(2 / 2)

美漫丧钟 混沌文工团 1089 字 2022-10-01

一道蓝光闪过,穿着红黑紧身衣的佣兵有些踉跄地提着裤子传送了过来,那条腰带被他挂在脖子上,他的手指还按着那红黑按钮。

“这么快就解决了么?之前看的时候我以为你会花更多时间的,所以我买了一本杂志去厕所,结果我屎才拉到一半你就叫我,我立刻把它夹断就赶来了,你看我这样的积极表现,能不能加点钱?”

苏明歪着脑袋看他系腰带,显得有些无奈,但还是把手里被斗篷包裹的圆球递了过去,随后像是想起什么一样缩了回来:

“你洗手没有?”

“我现在戴着手套呢。”韦德扎好了腰带,举起两只爪子给表哥展示:“你不会觉得我这样专业的佣兵,会犯戴手套擦屁股那种错误吧?不可能的,虽然我对手指力度的掌握十分绝妙,戴手套也能把卫生纸叠成千纸鹤,但我始终建议肛肠科医生给病人触诊的时候不要戴手套,无套总比有套强,你知道”

“不要在意他,这是我表弟,是个精神病。”韦德还在发疯一样絮絮叨叨,而苏明已经转向一旁的旺达解释了一句:“精神病不是遗传类疾病,你完全不用担心我的状况。”

“呵呵”

旺达尬笑了一下,怎么说呢?她对韦德的第一印象,蛮讨厌的。

“星标交给你对付了,把你准备参加格莱美颁奖仪式时候说的段子都给它讲一遍。”苏明捏住了韦德的嘴巴,手感就像是抓住了两条死泥鳅,不能听韦德废话个没完,直接给他安排任务就好了:“我需要你透过它和世界意识谈个条件,告诉它,别来碍我的事”

苏明他之所以在不久前能那么放心地前往宇宙,是因为他从一开始就雇佣了未来的表弟啊,甚至都不用时间宝石去联系,只要叫一声他就会出现。

就好像是不用搓的灯神一样,只不过是恶心版本的。

一方面是让未来死侍去照顾如今的韦德,顺便给托尔他们上些课。

另一方面是遇到宇宙级危机,死侍虽然不着调,可你却总能指望他来保护地球。

死侍抬手握住了表哥的手,含情脉脉的小白眼睛看着那红色的独眼目镜:

“是大象和电鳗的那个?还是总统喝消毒水的那个?额外讲段子可是要加钱的哦。”

“全部。”苏明抽回了手,有些嫌弃地甩甩,从腰包中掏出五百美元来甩在死侍胸口:“这些日子看到年轻时的韦德威尔逊有什么感想?”

韦德笑眯眯地把钱收回到内裤里,双手接过了被斗篷包裹的圆球:“感想?就像看到了自己,依旧那么帅气逼人,就是更年轻了一些,皮肤好了一些,头发多了一些。”

“托尔和洛基的事情我交代过你的,最好快点办妥,让你偷的东西弄到了么?”丧钟拍拍韦德的肩膀,只要他没忘就行。

“当然,都准备好了,那两兄弟从来都不是我们兄弟的对手不是么?”韦德抓着黑色球体就是一个胯下运球,得意地回答:“放心吧,妥妥的,如果没别的事,我就先回去把屎拉完?总是夹着的话扩约肌会过于敏感的。”

苏明缓缓吐出一口气,还好自己的意志力强大,身边的旺达已经不停地翻白眼了:

“不要弄脏了我的斗篷,不然你就等着下半辈子只能用仪器辅助来排泄吧,现在行动起来。”

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